Non-Existant
by HiddenZero
Summary: I don't know what the big deal is. I don't feel sick.
1. Chapter 1

You can say that I have an obsession. An obsession with fire, an obsession with death, an obsession with the human brain and everything that makes me feel. Why? Because I can't feel. Not anymore. Not since Tadashi died. I guess feeling is a conundrum in itself. when you fake a feeling, don't you have to feel it, if only for a second. Or maybe you feel the memory of it. The memory of a smile, a memory of a tear. Memories come easy to me, and from those memories I can know what to do in situations. Someone praises me, then just think back to Tadashi. I smiled then so I'd smile this time. It was simple. It was easy. It was my life.

I don't understand why people get so riled up about dead people. People die all the time don't they? Tadashi died, My parents died, its not a big deal. There nothing to cry about. They were here one second, gone the next. It would be the same with Aunt Cass. There wouldn't be anything wrong if she died. The only thing that I'd only remotely worry about is where I would live. Then again, I do have my personal lab back at SFIT. By the time they kick me out, I would've graduated. Gotten a job. Gotten a house. And that's it. Nothing to cry about. Aunt Cass ain't that important.

Honey Lemon won't let me out of her sites anymore. She's always worrying about me. She keeps asking if I'm depressed. She hints at taking some online mental test or whatever but I don't really get it. Its not important.

Gogo always pulls me aside whenever I talk to people. I think she gets mad. I don't really know. She tells me to be nicer to people, or be respective, or to show sympathy. I don't really know how though.

One time I made Honey Lemon cry. I didn't understand why. A student from the school newspaper came up to interview me about Tadashi one year after his death. The person had asked me how his death affected me. I told him it didn't. So what Tadashi died, I doesn't change anything. If anything I'm glad Tadashi died when he did. He made one robot that worked and would help millions. Surely he'd never be as successful again. He lived out his use in baymax. After baymax, his life held no meaning. people die all the time anyway, its not a big deal.

Gogo and Wasabi were furious. Especially since everyone read the newspaper. They said there must be something wrong with me but I don't feel sick. Honey Lemon said she knew there must of been something wrong and was upset she didn't act on it. I'm fine though. I don't get what the big deal is.

The school called Aunt Cass and advised that she finds mental help for me. She's tried but I refused to take any test of any kind. I was still developing my microbots after the fire incident. Turns out, someone stole my microbots at the showcase. I had to develop a device to shut all of them down. I gave it to the police and they caught the guy. It was Callaghan. I guess that means he killed Tadashi. He could've just asked. I would've given the microbots to him. It doesn't matter now. Not much does.

I'm actually being forced to take a test right now. I got a psychiatrist and they recommended it for me. I'm only answering the questions because if I didn't then I would be wasting time I need to work on my microbots. I don't care what the results are for it. The questions are meaningless anyway.

I'll get my results soon I guess.

Back to my obsessions with fire. I just find it interesting. The effects it has on the human body. I've tested it on my self. If left burning long enough, it will scar. Sometimes the skin will burn off. other times it will shrink into itself and pinch. I have burns on my fingers, chest, and one on the back of my neck.

I use the rest of my spare time researching what happens after death. I can't experiment with death as much as I'd like to. Killing is kinda illegal. All I have are stories and that's it.

Now the brain is different. I've been able to study every part of the human brain using an algorithm I wrote. One I'm still tweaking. I've visited many asylums I Sanfransokyo and they all match up to the research I've done. I was actually supposed to go to one today but my test got in the way.

Aunt Cass is waving at me to come to her. The doctors say I need major psychiatric help and or another test to be done. Aunt Cass doesn't seem to happy. Or maybe she's super happy. Its hard to tell. She rushes me out to the car and takes me home. I think I'm gonna go to sleep now. My head feels tired.


	2. Chapter 2

After my first test, they decided to make me have a few others. Aunt Cass won't let me out of the house by myself. She said she doesn't want me doing anything stressful and that I should focus on what makes me 'happy'. I was forced to take Fred with me to the asylum. We spent the whole day there. I was able to take all the notes needed on the newest detainee. His name was Ivan and believed that the government was brain washing human kind. It was preposterous. A stupid idea from a sick man, but it proved well in my research. I also decided to visit the county jail. Fred said he didn't want me going to the asylum anymore and that going to the county jail was a bad idea. I told him it was crucial for my research and that if he didn't wish to accompany me, he could leave. He stayed.

We encountered Gogo on our way there. She took one look at Fred and asked me what I had done to make him so nervous. He looked fine to me, but I told her we had visited the asylum and were going to the county jail. She yelled at Fred for letting me go, and said that he was 'too soft'. She said that Tadashi wouldn't want me doing this. I said Tadashi was dead and had no relevance in this discussion. He lived out his small life and no longer mattered to the world.

She slapped me.

It was the first time I had felt pain in a while and I decided to describe in my notes so I wouldn't forget. When I looked up she was crying. She said she didn't understand how I could change so drastically and moaned about failing Tadashi before hugging me and apologizing for hitting me. I didn't mind, it would help fuel my next research project. The study of pain.

She put me in her car and told Fred not to let me do this again; then she drove me home.I would have to make due with the notes I had received. I figured it was enough until my next visit. Although next time, I'll make sure to go to the county jail first. The city passed by in a blur of colors, which got me thinking of a wavelength spectrum, which got me thinking of radiation. I decided that when I get older, I would research the effects of radiation on animals, and the possible mutations that could come from radiation.

When we reached Aunt Cass's, Gogo decided to talk to her about me going to the asylum. She, in the words of Gogo, 'freaked out' which meant that she wouldn't stop eating and yelling for a good five minutes. Five minutes I could have used studying my notes and preparing a small test on what I remembered and what I didn't. Gogo 'comforted' Aunt Cass. I think that's what she did because Aunt Cass stopped yelling and hugged her. That's what comforting is right? She sent Gogo off and stared at me. All she said was I was grounded and that I was forbidden from going back to the asylum. She said nothing about the county jail and I realized Gogo had neglected to mention it.

Weeks after my visit to the asylum, the doctors called her and told her to meet up with them. She brought me with her and I sat in the corner of a white room as they talked to her. I heard the word 'autism' be thrown around a lot, but then they would shake their heads and talk about APD. I had not come across either terms in my studies and decided I would have to do additional research on them. Soon after, Aunt Cass beckoned me over to her and they told me what they thought.

They said they don't know what I have, but its leaning towards APD and Asperger. They told me that Asperger was a variation of autism and that it was different for everyone and it made me unable to understand others emotions and body language, as well as feel empathy. However they also said that I might have APD, Anti-social Personality Disorder. A mental that meant that I have little to no emotions. They told about the symptoms in more details and said since they couldn't tell which one I have, I would have to take more test.

I accepted the idea, seeing as arguing would only waste time and we left. I would conduct my own research on this topic after I got home, but only after I finish my newest experiments with fire.


End file.
